August 13, 2018

While I was in Chicago with my friends on Saturday I was really curious to see how different a sober party day feels compared to a “Let’s go day drinking day!” I’ve never gotten to examine this unless you count my 3 pregnancies, but then I was too tired to hang, and too irritated to be around any shenanigans, so I was always out of there!

What I found was that I had put a lot of energy into just going out, “relaxing” with my pals. Relaxing was the opposite of what I was really doing.

Our first destination was a really cool brewery. The guys all ordered one of their craft beers, my friends ordered their wine, and I ordered a Sprite with lime. So we all talked, laughed, ordered appetizers. In the past I would have spent a tremendous amount of time judging how fast I was drinking and how low my glass was going compared to my girlfriends’ glasses. I would be watching my husband’s glass to make sure I had one to his every two, but I’d want everybody to drink faster. What the heck people, bottoms up! I would view the appetizers as the enemy and would pretend to eat a few bites and make comments like “Oh my goodness, this is so good!” But I wouldn’t eat much because if I did it would slow down my buzz, and I was ready to GO! And it all would irritate me. But this day I could suck down my Sprite with gusto, and no consequences. Bottoms up!

It was also freeing to go to the bathroom. If I was drinking this would have been a huge one. I’d be hyper focused on standing up, making sure there was no stumble, and that I knew where the bathroom was. Even if I only had a couple glasses of wine because if I tripped, or appeared drunk, and somebody said “Hey, Kelly’s already over served!” in a joking manner, it would hit every raw nerve in my body and the humiliation would set in. And I would slow down my drinking which would be soooo irritating, I’d beat myself up, and then put on a mask of “Hey I’m having a great time!” But inside I’d be all screwed up with all the wanting to drink more, wanting to not appear drunk, and wondering when we can all go home so I can drink as much as I want and smoke on my deck with no drink level watching and careful bathroom walks. Because when I would get home I’d keep the party going secretly, in the secret of my own house, while my friends probably went home and just called it a day.

So I’m still basking in the freedom I felt. If I had to go to the bathroom up I went! Strolled right in there with my purse, did my business. I would look in the mirror at clear eyes (as I mentioned before this no drinking / smoking thing is good for your looks and self esteem). I’d throw on some lip gloss, and go back to our little group. I’d drink as much Sprint or iced tea as I wanted.

I just looked up the definition of freedom and here is what I found: The power or right to act, speak or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. That is EXACTLY how I felt on my Sober Saturday.

Happy Sober Monday,

Published by sjourney52

Just peeling back the layers to see what's really underneath this experience we call life.

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