I was pretty proud of myself last night. I went to my first recovery event. It was in the evening, and all day I was working on talking myself out of going. What if I got in a car accident on the way home? I won’t know anybody there, and I’ll feel alone and awkward. I’m not always successful at staying sober for long periods of time, so do I really belong? Why don’t I just stay home and get a bottle of wine and sit on the deck. Nobody’s going to be home tonight…….. But then I thought about how I would feel about myself if I didn’t go, and God forbid I replaced a recovery event with a drinking event. Plus I’ve been doing courageous things lately, so I forced myself to get dressed, put on make up, and get my ass out the door.
The event was lovely, motivational and inspiring, and although I felt out of place being “single” in a group that many people appeared to know each other, I had some good conversations. Particularly with Paula Williams, the owner of Shamebooth. I don’t know why, but after she spoke at the beginning of the event she walked straight up to me. She had cards placed on the tables to promote conversations. She picked one up and asked me a question, and then I picked one up and asked her a question. So we talked. And she shared, and I was scared. But then I came out of my shell and shared a bit of my shame. She it all out, and I took it all in. So I let some of me out. And it felt good, and uplifting and encouraging. So thank you Paula, thank you for seeing me when often times I don’t felt seen. Thank you for giving yourself, and for letting me give a bit of myself. And thank you for baring it all! I think I learned some valuable lessons last night. And I think I learned a bit more about myself.