It’s day 11. 11 days without a hangover, without beating myself up, without wishing I was somebody else, without feeling weak, tired, and unhealthy. What a gift and a blessing sobriety is.
And what a gift to have settled into a routine, a mundane routine for sure, but I’m sure it will not be forever. But man am I grateful my husband is not doing his usual pouting about my not drinking. I think he’s finally recognize what a shitty pattern we’d developed together, especially during this pandemic. The “fuck it” attitude. The getting home from work and opening a bottle of wine, and for him hauling the handle of vodka out of the pantry. The ritual of having a couple drinks for us both, and then deciding we’d had a “late lunch” so no need to make dinner! We are now empty nesters after all and can easily continue saying “fuck it” to many things that used to hold us together. Now we are saying “fuck it” to the booze. Bye bye you ruinous poisonous bitch!
The afternoons are the worst for me. Thinking about not drinking ever again. Not drinking on a long weekend we have coming up. Not drinking when we get together with friends again. But for the first time I’m somehow able to just focus on the hours in front of me and not the lifetime ahead of me. I can get through a few hours, and that is manageable. I’ve spent years learning about tools to stay sober. I’ve had a session with a sober coach that helped me build a sober tool box. I’ve listened to podcasts, read quit lit, and joined online groups. I know what to do, and I’m using these tools, and settling into a life I am finally enjoying, and not running away from. I’m not running away from things that are good in my life, and finding ways to find the ugliness in them. I’m not running away from realizing that what I have is actually quite nice and comfortable. I’m accepting what is, planning for moments I want, and building what is to come. All in 11 days.
I pray I can add to these 11 days. But for right now I’m just going to settle in, and worry about getting to 12 days. And that is a wonderful goal in front of me for today!
Happy Sober Thursday,